i spend the entire day in my room on Eid's day.
why?because i no longer have a family -__-
parents are out with my mom's family having bbq and shit.
its okay tho,cause i dont even wanna go,ill probably be like a stranger there.
i tried to be positive about this,but i really cant anymore.im at my limits.
seriously,im beginning to hate myself and families more when it comes to this.
am i such a horrible person that i dont deserved the happiness other families have?
i dont complain when im sick.i dont ask for much things.i dont complain anymore when theres no food in the house.i dont cry when i did nothing on my birthday.it breaks my heart a little when i see how people talk about how awesome their family is.and how perfect their vacation was.how funny their siblings are.how caring their parents are.how thankful they are to have someone to talk to.im happy for them but deep down i cant help but to feel envious because i dont have all that.People kept saying im overreacting and shit,but they dont know.they dont know how i am in my own house.they dont know how my situation is.how our behaviours are.and it really pissed me off when people think its my egoness thats causing all these.well honey,shut the fuck up because you have no clue.i dont know how much longer im willing to live like this.ughh my life is so fucked up.i really wanna grow up,have a job,buy my own house,and start fresh.
and i want a boyfriend like Hiroki!
because i think im at the point of not believing in that kind of thing anymore.
it does not exist.
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